You know that feeling when summer is halfway over, and you start to feel weird but it’s not exactly depression. You can’t explain it but you just get the funny feeling inside you when you’re not really sure where life is going because the sun just keeps setting earlier and you never want your nights to end because there’s so much more to say, accomplish, feel.
The beat of a song can win me over alone. I don’t have to care what the words are sometimes, but man when the beat is in your head it takes you places. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that weird feeling. It reminds me of when I was a teenager and I loved summer because school was out but I hated it because I never saw anyone. Maybe I cared too much about people who didn’t care at all. But this feeling, it’s like when you can’t wait for school to start but that just means it’s another year that you get older except you broke up with summer because she never treated you right anyway. She always gave you long days and promises of eventful nights. And then she ripped them right out from under you because she didn’t feel like sweating anymore so she crawls behind the moon and waits 8 months to come back and say she’s sorry for leaving you for so long and she wants to make it right. The viscous cycle of seasons.
Personally I’m obsessed with fall. It smells so good, it feels so good, it tastes so good. But I think I only love fall because it’s so short and keeps you wanting more. I hate summer. It’s hot and full of lies. The beach is my long lost love but everyone wants to go and never follows through. So we broke up a long time ago because she never asked me to visit and always just waited for me to show up and lay on her sand and bathe in her salt. Oh, but how I love the salt on my skin and in my hair…
I want to wear all my hoodies. I want to take pictures of the sky. I want to go camping. I fucking hate flip flops, so give me my converses or my vans. I want hot chocolate and apple cider. I want to crunch every single leaf I walk past. I want new music. Yes, the music.
This song hurts my chest. The beat reminds me of a relationship I don’t have. It sounds so good, like the kind of good when you’re holding the one you love when there’s nothing to say because you just understand the moment. That kind of sound. The silent knowing. Because nothing has been said, but you already know what they mean.
I just feel.
Janelle Monae - Primetime ft. Miguel